I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
