we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
