so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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