So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
