The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
