i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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