checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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