So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
