Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
