NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
