you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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