bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
