coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
