but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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