whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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