Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
