Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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