Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
