I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
