So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
