I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
