my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
