when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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