i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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