I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
