I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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