Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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