Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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