I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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