HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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