my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
