While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
