I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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