Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
