i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can tuck mytits in my pants
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
