Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
