I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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