Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
