my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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