Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
