there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
