No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is classic penis vs brain.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
