But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
