If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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