I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
