that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
