last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
