Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
