You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
