That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
