I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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