Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
