I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
