u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
