Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
