Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
