My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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