i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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