wakey wakey hands off snakey
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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