I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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