then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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