Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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