My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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