when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
