Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
