It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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