is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
