Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
